So i’m gonna skip all the boring details and get into the prime rib of the last outing. Long story short we needed to use an MRI machine to do some scans on a local, and we needed a distraction. Naturally I volunteered after I jokingly submitted my plan to punch a doctor and run rampant around the hospital squacking and mooing like everyone farm animal in existence. Have you ever tried to formulate a plan…but the first few seconds are just so amazing that you never get far in the details? This is one of those times.
So here is the outline.
1. Enter Hospital
2. Punch Doctor
So after completing 1, i moved on to 2. I found group of doctors walking down the hall, and picked out the most jew looking one. I walked up to him, looked him square in the eyes and waited for him to say anything. He started with a," Is there someth…." to which i replied," MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The puzzled look on his face was so priceless it was almost a shame to ruin it with my fist. Almost. One quick straight armed jab to the doctors jaw sent him spinning and screaming. His fellow doctors turned to assist and were so shocked it took them a few seconds to call security and simply stared at me blankly. To which I happily responded, “Quack.” Security was called seconds later.
So I walked away from them and rounded a corner. 2 men in black looked at me, sizing me up. I popped my neck to one side and put my hands next to my hips old western style, Ready to draw. They braced, unsure of what to expect. I flinched, drew my hand into a simple looking gun and pointed it at the men, faked a gun shot and screamed, “QUACK!” That got em running…at me. So I turned and ran, back through the doctors, punching another along the way for good measure.
Down this hallway, up another. These guys were amateurs. Come on guys i’m used to running from cops not afraid to shoot you to get you to stop running. Down another hallway. 2 guys in the middle, Ha. I slide to the side of them on my knees and pinch the big black dude on the ass, enunciating a simple,“HONK” on the way by. Back up on my feet and I’m off. Right at the end of the hallway, onto a stair case. Up I go. Down another hallway. Already a few suits in the way. Turned right instead of left. I look back to see about 9 behind me. To few, I can do better than that. Back in a circle to the stairs. 9 suits in the way. To easy. I run up the wall and dive over them. They curse and pursue.
Down another hallway. Found the cafeteria. To easy. Had to make it a challenge, so i decided to run across the tables, kicking food along the way while singing my fav song in animal squeaks and squacks. Some dude decides to be a hero and grabs my legs and i fall. Fool. I quick right hook breaks the guys nose, blood goes everywhere. But this dude was determined. Held on for dear life. So i punched him harder, this time aiming for the temple. The guys head snapped back, looked like he was going unconscious… but his arms stayed locked. So i did the only thing a sane dude would do. I took off my pants.
So now I’m a pants less squacking maniac in a cafeteria…and they’ve had enough time to corner me. Sadly they made the mistake of only putting 2 dudes at the far exit. I took off running at them, picked up a metal food tray and hurled it at the left dude, caught him squarly in the gut and he doubled over. I grabbed a tray from the next table, and while barrel rolling over the bent over guy, i smacked the suit in the face to prevent any lucky grabs. I dropped the tray and sped off. Time to pick up some distance.
I hit the fire escape and climbed. Hit the 4 story and exited….right into the maternity ward. Down another hall way. 2 more suits, these with guns. Bad news.
Turned another corner, 2 more suits, no guns. They brace and i can hear the footsteps coming behind me. Only way to go is through them. I grabbed a gurney and used it as a battering ram. Charged straight through them. I heard screaming, but it sounded unlike mine. I looked down to see a very pregnant woman belting out the last sound she thought she’d ever make. I smiled at the irony of that in a maternity ward. Prob wasn’t to out of place here. I hit the gaurds hard and i’m sure i heard a few snaps of bones. I spun the cart to its side to create a barrior and went off around the corner. I decided it was time for a change of cloths to blend in. I hit the closest door and went in.
More screaming. Woman in labor and all the personnel to busy to realize someone walked in. I eyed the room for robes but no luck. I hit the bathroom. Needed a place to think. Sat down, heard the roar of footsteps go by. Nothing in the bathroom for me to use. I walked back out, opened the door and peered out. Guards were down the hall, none looking back. Hopped across the hall into another room. This one was empty. opened a few drawers, found a robe. Put it on. Looked down, it was fucking pink. The kind they only give to women in this ward. Any nurse would realize i was out of place. Damn.
Decided to see if i could get down the stair well. Blocked. Guard radio chattering about room by room sweeps. Double Damn. Mmmk. Time to put this plan to the test. I’ve fought the strongest aliens in the universe and walked away. I’m not about to let a hoard of mall cops stop me here. I looked around the room, anything that could be used as a weapon. phone, bed. No scalpels. Triple Damn. Entered the bathroom. Removable arm bar. What better way to beat a mall cop than with a tool meant for the handicapped. So i hid in the bathroom. Bar in hand ready to strike.
The door opened. So many foot steps. 2 guards? 3? 4? Quadruple Damn. They’d check the bathroom. So i waited. Door creaked open and I swung. To my surprise the guard caught it. Tried to use it to pull me into a grapple. Foolish. I quick reverse of the momentum had him in an neck lock. One quick thrust and his head went through the wall. He was down. I looked up, another guard leveled a tazer at me. I slammed the door shut, wires hit wood. Nothing. I opened the door and charged, don’t want to let him reload. Was clashed. This one was bigger. Trying to grapple me into lock hold. No thank you. Brought my knee up into his junk, sorry dude survival of the fittest, and doubled over. One quick knee to his face and he was out.
The radio started squaking," room 423 come in." Time to go. I quickly undressed the dude without his head in the wall and changed. Taking his tazer and radio with me. More squaking. Guys coming to the room. Need to get out. Headed for the fire escape, 2 guards blocked my way. They stopped me and said he was on this floor. I staired at them and rolled my eyes. Pushed past them and they didn’t stop me again.
Came out on the first story….right into mall cop HQ. Phones were off the hook, people were screaming. I made my way toward the door. None even looked at me. That is until the big black dude, who’s ass i had pinched, turned around. He was between me and the door. Our eyes locked and there was a moment in which he was confused. Almost like he had seen me before. Then his eyes lit up, I was found. Sadly it was far to late. The other reason his eyes lit up was because he had 20,000 volts running through his body. To slow buddy. I was already in motion. By the time everyone had looked up and big blacky was on his way down i was out the door.
Once outside i put it into overdrive. Down an ally, along this street, into another ally. I didn’t stop till my body simply wouldn’t go on. Several hours later i made it back to the squad.I must say…nothing gives you quit a rush as punching a doctor in the face. Who needs plans.