Is this thing on? SMACK (yells over shoulder) How do you use this thing? Fuck you McCoy, I’ll come over there and use this to blow up your waste reclamater! Shit I think its actually recording now. Whats the word to delete previous entries? Resnact? Verplap? Re….ah fuck it Captain if you’re listening to this just ignore the first part. Oh and McCoy was talking about how the XO could muscle in on your backside any day of the week, careful in them showers….sir.
I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with this thing. Sarge comes through the bunks and starts handing these pads out. Says we need to talk to them and get our bitching out in a healthy fashion. I think he just wants something on record the next time someone needs to shovel some shit. I guess long periods of space travel can have severe side effects on our brains and morale. Hell I don’t even wanna be a marine, go out drinking with some friends looking for some tail and wake up with a fucking shaved head and some shiny pieces of metal around my neck. (speaking to someone off camera) They are called what? Sounds like what that Wolfen Slut did to Logan last week. How much you wanna bet she pissed on him after they were finished Jensen? I hear they are VERY territorial. Dog Tags, who the fuck came up with something like that.
(Mumbles) If anyone would be into a 9 foot female wolf with 6 tits pissing on them it’d be Logan…
I guess I’m supposed to make this personal. Where I came from, how I got here, whats going on now. Maybe 10,000 fucking years from now some ape will know how much life sucks aboard a military starship. After the Extermination of our worlds we were always on the run. The fear that every single minute was our last, that at any moment those damn crystals could materialize from across the galaxy to finish the job was always present. At least that’s what i gathered from those around me. Fear was never really a part of who I was, or am now. You don’t live very long from where I’m from if you’re scared of everything that’s going on around you. I had read some old novels from the late 1900’s about the mob, gang wars, blood for territory. I wish I had it that easy. You keep your head low and your chest high or you’ll wind up dead. Needless to say the local “authorities” and I were friends. Hell everyone had some face to face time with the local Sargent. Needless to say we all got really good at…hehe…avoiding unnecessary brushes with the law, Wasn’t a cop in 500 miles that could catch me in a race for freedom. Wasn’t that I was faster than them, well… that certainly helped, it was more that the cop couldn’t mimic my 30 foot wall scaling or cat like dancing across all manor of obstacles. (speaking off camera) Fuck you McCoy, cats are graceful creatures! Where was I? Oh right. My instincts have never let me down. When things have gotten bad I’ve learned to kinda turn my brain off, over thinking things will get you killed. My body knows how to keep itself alive, self preservation and survival of the fittest and all.
I’m not surprised some alien bastard wanted to come wipe us out. The things I’ve seen mankind do to one another. Any man would as soon slit your throat for the shows on your feet as he’d give you a smile and a wave. Needless to say I don’t use Friend, or Trust lightly. Its easier to assume everyone I come across is out for themselves first. Keeps me Alive.
I didn’t survive that kind of hell hole to die to some alien vendetta though. By some stroke of luck I was off world at the time. Finally got myself free of that life, headed off to a fresh start. New planet, New climate. Ya, what a fresh start its been. Should of signed up for the marines on the Sanc when they picked us up. Though at the time i figured my criminal record would do me more harm than good, so I laid low. Didn’t take long to wind up in the marines though.
As for my time since I’ve joined the UNSC, its been…well…interesting. For what ever reason I got the job of becoming secretary, bodyguard, wet nurse, test subject, and guardian angel to Doctor Vincent Smithfield. At least I can say I’m never bored. I’d say that If i were to describe the doctor in one word it would be Cocksure inquisitive clinical lunatic. Ok four words. When he’s not randomly jabbing me with needles and asking me how I feel, he’s charging head long into a possessed Wolfen with a chainsword. I honestly can’t tell if the man is fearless or his curiosity is so great that braving a hail of gunfire is simply the appropriate response to every situation. Though I suppose being his “bodyguard” has its own set of benefits. Like I said life is far from boring. I’ve been on more off ship missions, killed more alien bastards, been privy to more Classified intel than most of the new guys have logged in training hours. You’d think after all this I’d get some kind of promotion. Keep me in mind at the next performance review session Captain Val.
Oh and don’t hold that whole thing with the plasma charges and the waste reclamater against me. I know you have a strong affinity for the place, but it was either the shitter or the warp-core.
Prv. Luke Tarkus signing off
(off camera) Its not a gay closer! I saw it on some old sci-fi show in the 1900’s!