USS Sanctuary

After Action Report # 41AB6

After Action Report #41AB6

Filed by David Valentine.

So.. this may be the last log written during this war. That’s kind of a big thing for me since this was the first war I’ve ever fought in and during the course of it I’ve been promoted to Captain of the Marines and nearly died numerous times. Having served with these men and women for only 2 years I can proudly say I would risk my life for any of them. Well, maybe not Tarkus. But don’t tell him that.

Onto past events, the last week was pretty normal at the start. We were gearing up and getting ready to assault the Necratoid home planet, receiving technology from the Nogaleth and trading them some of ours. After 2 weeks of preparing we were ready for the push. We planned for the Ascendant Justice and a strong fleet of Nogaleth to warp in ahead of us and keep the majority of Necratoid concentrated on their space station. It was going well, the main force was tied up at the space station and we were able to easily remove our opposition. We started our operation which was to drill into the planet with our plasma cannon which had been refitted into a mining drill of sorts. We sent the Defiant to aid the Nogaleth fleet while we proceeded on. During which though we were not attacked by any boarders which struck me as odd.

After suffering some losses we were eventually able to finish the Necratoid fleet off and continue mining, however as we were almost finished multiple jump signals were detected. It was a crystalline fleet supported by an two crystalline battleships. We were immediately hit and had to begin dealing with boarders, most of which were now easily removed because of our new ship computer. Outgunned severely we were told from the Emperor, who was aboard the Ascendant Justice, to continue drilling while they bought us time.

During the drilling we repelled a Crystalline squad heading for the bridge only to notice they had a bomb with them. Myself and 3 other marines took the bomb and started heading for the nearest air lock to remove it since it was armed in a language we did not have the time to decipher. I informed the Prince about this and requested a squad to cover the bridge while this was being taken care of. The Prince found a much shorter way to remove the bomb by causing forced decompression on a path created by the ship computer. Being the soldier I am wanted to make sure the bomb got out. The Prince informed me to hold on and so I grabbed the bomb and held onto it as a I rode it along the hallways of the Sanctuary. Miraculous avoiding all possible objects and getting it clear of the ship without causing any damage to myself or the ship.

Once we were far enough into the core and the missile was able to be launched, Logan flew us on probably the scariest maneuver of my life. Bringing the Sanctuary into the planet’s atmosphere just enough to launch the missile and then bouncing off and not getting completely sucked into the gravity well. We were all told to man life pods while only Logan and the Prince remained in the bridge.

Joining the fight we were able to clean up the Crystalline, however we were now down to just the Ascendant Justice, Sanctuary, Defiant and one other Nogaleth battleship. Attempting to escape the system we detected even more Crystalline, this time with about four times the amount of the previous wave and an Ethereal battleship. Outnumber and outgunned we did what we could but were things were not going in our favor. We lost the Nogatleth Battleship and with just the Defiant and the Ascendant Justice left, both too injured to jump, we received orders to retreat. The Ascendant Justice and Defiant set ramming courses on the Ethereal Battleship, which for some reason seemed unable to hit the Sanctuary for some reason. It’s beam did connect with the Nogaleth Battleship and the Crystalline Forces set up a ring around us preventing us from escaping, but not attacking us either.

Just when things couldn’t get worse, more jump signals were detected. Much to our surprise though, they were Kedi V’Sontrak with an actual fleet of ships being lead by what looked like the Dragon. We received a transmission saying sit back and enjoy, our Parents gave us some nice toys. Now watch this. In a few minutes the Sontrak had drastically cut the numbers of Crystalline ships down. However the Ethereal ship was still very much a threat. That’s when it showed up. The last Ancient left in the viewable universe. In what looked like a spider web of a ship with giant glowing orb in the middle, it obliterated the entire Crystalline fleet and then fought with the Ethereal ship. Seeing an opening the Prince order the plasma drill to being cutting an open hull breach on the Ethereal ship and after a few more minutes the Ethereal ship was destroyed. Then our ship went black and we were sucked into the Ancient’s ship.

Unsure of what was going on we just say in awe. A white pad appeared in the bridge and our power was restored after not too long. The Prince asked for volunteers to go with him on this pad, which we assumed and were correct was a teleportation device. The Prince, Tarkus and myself went. When we arrived we noticed that our armor and weapons had been replaced by robes and that Burnie was already there. We were treated like children for most of the conversation and eventually Doctor Smithfield and Logan joined us. We learned that the Greys had been convinced to fight against the Ethereals finally, and that only four Ehtereals were left. However; we also found out that this was the only Ancient left and she had maybe a week to exist, then she would, as she described, move on. Unsure of what that meant exactly we accepted it, asked our questions and then left.

I think most of us were disheartened that the fight we had been partaking in for so long was just going to solved like that. Without even needing our help. Talk about a slap in the face. We were informed that the Ethereals had discovered our location in the Metrion Expanse and were already planning to attack us. A Grey was sent to us to discuss our options and aid us with this threat. When he arrived he joined us on our bridge and then mid discussion fell over in a catatonic state, unable to be reawakened by any means. Burnie was also hurt in what he described as a “giant fucking headache” and then said something and ran towards the teleportation pad in our bridge (we didn’t remove it). The Prince followed him and so did Tarkus and myself carrying the other Grey’s body, who was followed by Doctor Smithfield.

We ended up aboard a Grey ship where Burnie was already imputing something into the ship’s computer. Not sure how anything worked, we all started trying phrases. The Grey’s body was picked up by a robot and the Doctor followed it to wherever it went, I did not see. I stayed within eyesight of the Prince and said “computer, show us the outside” when the entire inside of the ship went transparent and we were able to see a massive Grey fleet. Oddly enough though, none of them seemed to be in formation or alert. Most were just drifting, and some even bumping into each other, like every pilot had been simultaneously knocked out or killed. Whatever Burnie was doing set most of the ships right so they stopped knocking each other, and then the Ethereal and Crystalline appeared.

Burnie mumbled something else and after a few moments said “Everyone on the pad, NOW”. The Doctor and Tarkus came running and once all of us were on the pad we were teleported again, this time to what seemed like a half finished ship. We could clearly see the hull wasn’t completely finished and the inside still lacked most of it’s floor work and guts. Burnie told us all the strap in then we noticed a ship, more than likely the one were just on, start spinning at extreme speeds and then finally cut go vertically towards the Ethereal ship and collide with it. Working like a chainsaw it ripped the ship apart by sacrificing itself. After turning back, Burnie told us all to remain seated and then jumped the ship. Right before we jumped though, we all saw the sun start to super nova and I for one, peed a little.

Once in the new system Burnie told us all not to move, again, then teleported out using the pad. Confused as hell we all looked around and noticed the ship was on fire and we were, what could only be described as, falling. Realizing we were entering a planets atmosphere I panicked and tried to remember my training not to freak out like this. His Highness was calmly playing cards, Tarkus had his hands in the air like he just didn’t care, and the Doctor was confident we would be okay, he even offered to fly us down. Once the fire stopped the Prince said something that I didn’t quite hear because of the rush of wind and the ship slowed, but not by enough. The planet below us was getting bigger, fast. For the next few moments I went over my life for what felt like the 100th time. Realizing I had almost died too many times I decided that I didn’t want to die like this and hoped for something or someone to stop us from crashing into the planet.

Well someone did. Two someones. Burnie had teleported out and made his way to the planet and Conway had gotten Logan to fly him to the planet and both of them using their telekinesis slowed the ship down and stopped us from exploding. Conway was hurt pretty bad from this, but he did manage to survive thanks to the Doctor being right there.

Burnie looked different. He wasn’t his normally jubilant self at all. He was serious and he was mad. He explained that the Ethereal had used the bomb used to wipe the humans 1.0 out on the Grey species. Quickly putting two and two together we asked how we were supposed to fight the Ethereals now without the Grey fleet. He explained the ship he teleported us to was not a fighter or anything like that, it was a construction ship. It had on it 12 replicators capable of creating just about everything we could ever want. He told us that all the rules about keeping technology away from us until we learned how to use it was off because, frankly, there was no one to stop him presently. “This is a one time thing” he said, “once this last fight is over, the technology will be change back to how it originally worked”.

All he said was one of the replicators was his because he needed to make something. The other eleven were ours to use and make whatever we could dream of.

The war is back on. Hoorah.

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Burnie Log 6


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So life goes on or at least moves in a linear temporal direction well most of the time anyway. I wont talk about when it doesnt tends to give humans headaches plus if they get mad over nukes they would really get pissed with a temporal quandry. Anyway so they killed an etherial well Jeb killed him and his wife is PISSED. The robe is a computer and data storage medium. I managed to get quite a bit off of it initally. Now 34 teraquads of data all about the diffrent ways to murder Jeb was not very useful from an intelligence standpoint and some of it i considered anitomically impossible without serious surgical alterations. Of course then I saw the alterations in the data so she can and will do it. 34 teraquads of how Jeb can die and she intends to do each one to him. Not sure im going to tell him about that.

Anyway despite him being cut off from his race for so long there was a wealth of data about him and his race and to a limited degree his technology. Most of this is old news for the hive but for me its all new. First thier psionic frequency is close enough to mine we can use one anothers technology unless its gene tagged. Next thier psi abilites are diffrent enough that any counter measures we have for internal security will not work on them. Putting them in some kind of anti psichic field is out.

They have overcome some of the humans anti psychic field and they can interfere with all of their weapons systems. Aside from a good old fashioned fist. They have also isolated the series of genes that create the field and after considerable time and bread it out of humans, but its easier to just blow them up. I alos know why now they humans were attacked and why they have come back. The Jusitsunghsyerbllaya oh uh “ancients” are dead or not here anymore. Thier listining outposts have been monitoring certain signals for lack of a better word that the ancients were putting out. More and more of those signals fell silent. They belive that we are undefended. Cant say they were wrong.

Anyway they have no concept of modern humans so thier tatics were very much overkill. They thought that humans 1.0 were still out and about using ancient technology and with all of thier powers. In fact they thought that the Tasar bomb failed. Thats why they wiped out humans with such violence. They feared them. They belive that humans hold the key to thier victory. Most of the tatical data is currently out of date so fleet deployments and other data are useless but there are some things that still apply.

Now i dont think that even the sanctuary has the ability to harm thier warships, but by the same token without the aid of conventional sensors and other helpers the ships them selves cannot target humans. While the Etherials can look and see humans they cannot sense them. Thier ships rely on psionic sensors to target and they cannot see humans in that fashion. but if they have skinless or even the crystals with them then well they can use the more crude standard sensors. Of course the standard beam weapons can cut the sanctuary in half, but i digress.

Also we have one other main advantage. The ship cannot contact the others. Any of the others. What makes me wonder is that she only sent out six signals. Of course that could be to six major battle fleets in her time but who knows. Right now she is trapped and angry. She cant leave the expanse because the radiation would kill her and she cant jump out becuase every thing has moved. That and she has a crainial rectal impaction to preform on Jeb before she can go. Sweet they are serving blue jello in the mess hall.

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Life of a clinically insane Sergeant


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So i’m gonna skip all the boring details and get into the prime rib of the last outing. Long story short we needed to use an MRI machine to do some scans on a local, and we needed a distraction. Naturally I volunteered after I jokingly submitted my plan to punch a doctor and run rampant around the hospital squacking and mooing like everyone farm animal in existence. Have you ever tried to formulate a plan…but the first few seconds are just so amazing that you never get far in the details? This is one of those times.

So here is the outline.
1. Enter Hospital
2. Punch Doctor
3. Moo
4. ?
5. Escape.

So after completing 1, i moved on to 2. I found group of doctors walking down the hall, and picked out the most jew looking one. I walked up to him, looked him square in the eyes and waited for him to say anything. He started with a," Is there someth…." to which i replied," MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The puzzled look on his face was so priceless it was almost a shame to ruin it with my fist. Almost. One quick straight armed jab to the doctors jaw sent him spinning and screaming. His fellow doctors turned to assist and were so shocked it took them a few seconds to call security and simply stared at me blankly. To which I happily responded, “Quack.” Security was called seconds later.

So I walked away from them and rounded a corner. 2 men in black looked at me, sizing me up. I popped my neck to one side and put my hands next to my hips old western style, Ready to draw. They braced, unsure of what to expect. I flinched, drew my hand into a simple looking gun and pointed it at the men, faked a gun shot and screamed, “QUACK!” That got em running…at me. So I turned and ran, back through the doctors, punching another along the way for good measure.

Down this hallway, up another. These guys were amateurs. Come on guys i’m used to running from cops not afraid to shoot you to get you to stop running. Down another hallway. 2 guys in the middle, Ha. I slide to the side of them on my knees and pinch the big black dude on the ass, enunciating a simple,“HONK” on the way by. Back up on my feet and I’m off. Right at the end of the hallway, onto a stair case. Up I go. Down another hallway. Already a few suits in the way. Turned right instead of left. I look back to see about 9 behind me. To few, I can do better than that. Back in a circle to the stairs. 9 suits in the way. To easy. I run up the wall and dive over them. They curse and pursue.

Down another hallway. Found the cafeteria. To easy. Had to make it a challenge, so i decided to run across the tables, kicking food along the way while singing my fav song in animal squeaks and squacks. Some dude decides to be a hero and grabs my legs and i fall. Fool. I quick right hook breaks the guys nose, blood goes everywhere. But this dude was determined. Held on for dear life. So i punched him harder, this time aiming for the temple. The guys head snapped back, looked like he was going unconscious… but his arms stayed locked. So i did the only thing a sane dude would do. I took off my pants.

So now I’m a pants less squacking maniac in a cafeteria…and they’ve had enough time to corner me. Sadly they made the mistake of only putting 2 dudes at the far exit. I took off running at them, picked up a metal food tray and hurled it at the left dude, caught him squarly in the gut and he doubled over. I grabbed a tray from the next table, and while barrel rolling over the bent over guy, i smacked the suit in the face to prevent any lucky grabs. I dropped the tray and sped off. Time to pick up some distance.
I hit the fire escape and climbed. Hit the 4 story and exited….right into the maternity ward. Down another hall way. 2 more suits, these with guns. Bad news.

Turned another corner, 2 more suits, no guns. They brace and i can hear the footsteps coming behind me. Only way to go is through them. I grabbed a gurney and used it as a battering ram. Charged straight through them. I heard screaming, but it sounded unlike mine. I looked down to see a very pregnant woman belting out the last sound she thought she’d ever make. I smiled at the irony of that in a maternity ward. Prob wasn’t to out of place here. I hit the gaurds hard and i’m sure i heard a few snaps of bones. I spun the cart to its side to create a barrior and went off around the corner. I decided it was time for a change of cloths to blend in. I hit the closest door and went in.

More screaming. Woman in labor and all the personnel to busy to realize someone walked in. I eyed the room for robes but no luck. I hit the bathroom. Needed a place to think. Sat down, heard the roar of footsteps go by. Nothing in the bathroom for me to use. I walked back out, opened the door and peered out. Guards were down the hall, none looking back. Hopped across the hall into another room. This one was empty. opened a few drawers, found a robe. Put it on. Looked down, it was fucking pink. The kind they only give to women in this ward. Any nurse would realize i was out of place. Damn.

Decided to see if i could get down the stair well. Blocked. Guard radio chattering about room by room sweeps. Double Damn. Mmmk. Time to put this plan to the test. I’ve fought the strongest aliens in the universe and walked away. I’m not about to let a hoard of mall cops stop me here. I looked around the room, anything that could be used as a weapon. phone, bed. No scalpels. Triple Damn. Entered the bathroom. Removable arm bar. What better way to beat a mall cop than with a tool meant for the handicapped. So i hid in the bathroom. Bar in hand ready to strike.

The door opened. So many foot steps. 2 guards? 3? 4? Quadruple Damn. They’d check the bathroom. So i waited. Door creaked open and I swung. To my surprise the guard caught it. Tried to use it to pull me into a grapple. Foolish. I quick reverse of the momentum had him in an neck lock. One quick thrust and his head went through the wall. He was down. I looked up, another guard leveled a tazer at me. I slammed the door shut, wires hit wood. Nothing. I opened the door and charged, don’t want to let him reload. Was clashed. This one was bigger. Trying to grapple me into lock hold. No thank you. Brought my knee up into his junk, sorry dude survival of the fittest, and doubled over. One quick knee to his face and he was out.

The radio started squaking," room 423 come in." Time to go. I quickly undressed the dude without his head in the wall and changed. Taking his tazer and radio with me. More squaking. Guys coming to the room. Need to get out. Headed for the fire escape, 2 guards blocked my way. They stopped me and said he was on this floor. I staired at them and rolled my eyes. Pushed past them and they didn’t stop me again.

Came out on the first story….right into mall cop HQ. Phones were off the hook, people were screaming. I made my way toward the door. None even looked at me. That is until the big black dude, who’s ass i had pinched, turned around. He was between me and the door. Our eyes locked and there was a moment in which he was confused. Almost like he had seen me before. Then his eyes lit up, I was found. Sadly it was far to late. The other reason his eyes lit up was because he had 20,000 volts running through his body. To slow buddy. I was already in motion. By the time everyone had looked up and big blacky was on his way down i was out the door.

Once outside i put it into overdrive. Down an ally, along this street, into another ally. I didn’t stop till my body simply wouldn’t go on. Several hours later i made it back to the squad.

I must say…nothing gives you quit a rush as punching a doctor in the face. Who needs plans.
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Burnie Log 5


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So well i learned a few things this week. One humans are nervous around crude nuclear weapons and if you know thier launch codes they get all butt nervous. Not sure how thier butts get nervous, however apparently they do. Humans seem to be mildy obseesed with asses. Sometimes not mildly. Im suprised as to how much they do with the grossest parts of thier bodies, but hey they still reproduce sexually. I filed a scientific report about the shield modifications we did to create the radiological differental drive and the use of the nuke to act like a sonar pulse. Both caused quite a stir.

Anyway this log is more about the recovery of Private Scarlett Johanson. I have determined she is not a skinless nor was any of her organs removed and cloned. The humans could not detect this as the skinless medical technology is lightyears ahead of thiers. While Grey medical technology is not as advanced we do know what to look for. There were medical procedures done on her brain. More than the parasite currently invading her body. They placed things in her brain and then removed them. While they took great care not to damage her the point of the operations are currently unknown.

She has her lucid moments where I was able to probe her mind, with the Admierals and her permission of course, inside i found some very disturbing thoughts and memories. She saw Etherials first hand. They came and did some of the procedures themselves on her. Left her awake and aware as they cut into her brain. Only reason I can think for this would be to gauge her responses but they never asked her any questions. Once they were finished the fitted her with the OCM and let her work on the multipul system intergration. She admits to trying to sabotage it as much as she could but we more or less unsucessful.

The Ethierals are up to something. Something big, but they are not ready yet and might not be for a while. I have managed to disable its ability to transmit any psionic signals so it cant be tracked. IM thinking thier plan has something to do with Earth, but who really knows. Whatever they are planning I belive it has something to do with the psionic abilites of humans. The area they probed is the once active section of the human psionic center of their brain. It was not stimulated or enhanced in any way if nothing else it just looks like they probed it down to the subatomic level.

The expanse we are entering is one created by a super weapon in the last war. Even my species has kept out. not becuase of any superstition but because we saw little of value that could be inside. Plus we estimated that the cloud would not disperse for a few million years. Suprisingly my sonar torpedo discovered there is a negative space like a vaccume not too far into the cloud. Too far for the humans to travel without FTL in any reasonable ammount of time. So I set up a radiological differintal drive with the shields allowing them to move faster.

I find my self anticipating our arrival into the expanse. This is going to be a completely new and unexplored area and I will be the first of my kind to see it. I cant wait to share it with the hive. Oh wait i cant connect to the hive anymore. Admirel had better keep us all alvoe or (thud)

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Admirals Log Day 633


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Some times i think i should shoot that little shit alien out into space through a faulty Apollo Pod. I asked if there was a way for him to determin the depth of the expanse. So what does he do? He fires a nuclear city buster into the cloud in front of us. He and Conway were able to map the depth of the expanse with the resulting shockwave. At first it looked bad. It was going to take over a year to cross the expanse. I almost turned around right then and there but Burine and Conway asked to try something to increase the speed of the ship. Supidly or not I agreed.

So those two “genuises” did something to the shields creating some kind of radiometric gravity drive. I know how a regular gravity drive works annd the prinicpal is the same more or less. Now we are moving along much faster and should exit the cloud soon. They shaved the trip down to a couple of months once we slow down. The only problem with the drive is that it takes it a good long time to get up to max speed and that it only works in the expanse cloud.

Speed of course adds the einstine issue. Burine explained it to me and I understand the basics but in, to use a turn of phrase from Jeb, Captain Dummy Talk. We are going to be traveling for two weeks but the outside universe just over two months will pass. In the end i guess its the reason i dont vent the little grey bastard into space. He seems to pull things out of his ass to help us. If he was still connected to the hive i would shoot him myself given the fact he knows our nuke codes, but hes not and I do beilve that Burnie would not betray us. Afterall he gave up the hive for us. He has earned that much from us.

We are exiting from the cloud in about 12 hours and from there we have to explore the expanse and if we are lucky find some place to set down roots and hide from these bastards. Well let the civilans hide and rebuild. Ive decided that we are not done yet. Once the civilans are safe we are going to go out there and blast these bastards into oblivion no matter the cost.

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Life of a Sergeant


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CLASSIFIED******
Security Level 9 REQ
Decryption Code RSA
COMMAND STAFF EYE’S ONLY

Where to begin. The events of the past few days have been… intense. In short, boarded a skinless research facility, murdered dozens of helpless skinjobs, Capt. Val. almost died (again), Given first real command, quickly got my command massacred, put delayed detonation charges on a small quantum singularity, Watched McCoy get ripped in half and his heart eaten (literally), narrowly escape the facility before capture, Oh, and then watch as a blackhole tries to consume us and everyone else around.

The next several hours are simply a blur. I remember Capt. Val yelling at me, at least I think he was yelling. His voice seemed so far away. Then he put some scalpel looking thing in my hand and pointed at a watermelon. Without really realizing it, I managed to destroy the scalpel and the watermelon. I tried to say something, anything, but nothing would come out. Its almost as if my voice divorced me and left me with these visions of McCoy’s death as a parting gift, and it took the house.

The doc quickly realized what was going on and gave me this goofy wrist mounted machine that lets me “text to voice” anything I would need to convey. So far its been a nuisance, but without any other ability to communicate there is little i can do about it. This brings me to the most interesting part all of this.

So i’m sure this will get marked classified or w/e because of what i’m about to bring up, but i don’t care. Being the Doc’s direct body guard has its own set of challenges and responsibilities, but whats not on the job application is Xeno babysitting. Doc has developed a rather odd friendship with the Grey known as Burnie. I spend as much time keeping him out of trouble as I do the Doc most days. What happens when you put 2 hyper intelligent beings in a lab and give them free rein to do/invent as they please? Bad things happen. Very bad things. While burnie was working on this Gravity Drive for the shields, he accidentally almost vented the ship of all atmosphere, and if not for quick reflexes by the Doc, could of surely killed us all. Something about routing extra power to the shield emitters and if people on decks 10-23 wanted to breath easy the could get in a space suit.

Burnie also lacks the ability to communicate verbally, but he is a highly telepathic being so speaking directly into another’s mind is his only form of communication. To be able to hear him you must be given some type of chemical supplement to stir activity in a long dormant part of the human brain. Naturally being his babysitter I’ve been given such a high “honor.”

I wouldn’t call it a curse, nor really a blessing. I’d almost call it a chore. A chore the causes me to laugh on a near daily basis. Burnie may be a super smart alien, but his impersonations of human interaction and culture relevance are down right hilarious. The other day Doc and Burnie got into an argument about pranks and their “comedic” intentions. This all started after burnie heard me “thinking” about some of the run of the mill marine stuff that goes on in a the bunks. He couldn’t understand how causing harm, sometimes in excess, to fellow humans was not only ok, but expected and laughed at. Apparently across the known species of the universe humans are the only species to actively seek harm of close friends for personal amusement. At length of the doc trying to explain this, he finally gave up and tried to show how pranks could be fun, by using ME as the experiment. This didn’t go over well because burnie was broadcasting his thoughts in short form, so i over heard everything he said to the doc, though i only got half the convo, but it went along the lines of this

“No wonder your species is on the verge of extinction.” “Well even if the crystalline hadn’t shown up you would of destroyed yourselves for nothing more then pure amusement!” “What? How is that going to be funny?” “WHAT IF HE DIES!?” “Leave Tarkus alone, he couldn’t even scream for help if he wanted too!” (to which i could hear doc burst out laughing on the other side of the door) “Why is that funny?” “Why would you want to provoke an armed warrior? This seems like the stupidest thing humanity has ever come up with.” “Ok fine i’ll try.”

So I get a page from the doc,“Come in here Tarkus i need your help.” So I step inside, look around the room, and notice burnie is standing behind a chair off in a corner. Puzzled I looked at him for a long moment, which apparently spooked him because he vanished into cloak a second later. The doc asked me to sit, so i did. He started talking about some medical bullshit, so i just pretended to understand. After a few seconds I heard a small tap, a noise I had come to understand as burnie’s foot step. I knew what was going on, but decided to play along. Doc kept rambling, and then another tap. They got closer together, and were getting nearer behind me. I tried to keep my mind focused on w/e the doc was saying to burnie wouldn’t know i was on to him, though i think burnie was so nervous he wouldn’t have noticed. I waited till I thought the tap was just behind me, Then I spun around, got on one Knee, shouldered my rifle and screamed. there was a tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap, and the door to the room flew open. I turned around and the Doc just shook his head laughing. “He was just gonna prick you with a needle. You realize you’ve probably traumatized the poor guy right?” Whatever, I like my prank better hehe.

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Life of a Private


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Is this thing on? SMACK (yells over shoulder) How do you use this thing? Fuck you McCoy, I’ll come over there and use this to blow up your waste reclamater! Shit I think its actually recording now. Whats the word to delete previous entries? Resnact? Verplap? Re….ah fuck it Captain if you’re listening to this just ignore the first part. Oh and McCoy was talking about how the XO could muscle in on your backside any day of the week, careful in them showers….sir.

I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with this thing. Sarge comes through the bunks and starts handing these pads out. Says we need to talk to them and get our bitching out in a healthy fashion. I think he just wants something on record the next time someone needs to shovel some shit. I guess long periods of space travel can have severe side effects on our brains and morale. Hell I don’t even wanna be a marine, go out drinking with some friends looking for some tail and wake up with a fucking shaved head and some shiny pieces of metal around my neck. (speaking to someone off camera) They are called what? Sounds like what that Wolfen Slut did to Logan last week. How much you wanna bet she pissed on him after they were finished Jensen? I hear they are VERY territorial. Dog Tags, who the fuck came up with something like that.

(Mumbles) If anyone would be into a 9 foot female wolf with 6 tits pissing on them it’d be Logan…

I guess I’m supposed to make this personal. Where I came from, how I got here, whats going on now. Maybe 10,000 fucking years from now some ape will know how much life sucks aboard a military starship. After the Extermination of our worlds we were always on the run. The fear that every single minute was our last, that at any moment those damn crystals could materialize from across the galaxy to finish the job was always present. At least that’s what i gathered from those around me. Fear was never really a part of who I was, or am now. You don’t live very long from where I’m from if you’re scared of everything that’s going on around you. I had read some old novels from the late 1900’s about the mob, gang wars, blood for territory. I wish I had it that easy. You keep your head low and your chest high or you’ll wind up dead. Needless to say the local “authorities” and I were friends. Hell everyone had some face to face time with the local Sargent. Needless to say we all got really good at…hehe…avoiding unnecessary brushes with the law, Wasn’t a cop in 500 miles that could catch me in a race for freedom. Wasn’t that I was faster than them, well… that certainly helped, it was more that the cop couldn’t mimic my 30 foot wall scaling or cat like dancing across all manor of obstacles. (speaking off camera) Fuck you McCoy, cats are graceful creatures! Where was I? Oh right. My instincts have never let me down. When things have gotten bad I’ve learned to kinda turn my brain off, over thinking things will get you killed. My body knows how to keep itself alive, self preservation and survival of the fittest and all.

I’m not surprised some alien bastard wanted to come wipe us out. The things I’ve seen mankind do to one another. Any man would as soon slit your throat for the shows on your feet as he’d give you a smile and a wave. Needless to say I don’t use Friend, or Trust lightly. Its easier to assume everyone I come across is out for themselves first. Keeps me Alive.

I didn’t survive that kind of hell hole to die to some alien vendetta though. By some stroke of luck I was off world at the time. Finally got myself free of that life, headed off to a fresh start. New planet, New climate. Ya, what a fresh start its been. Should of signed up for the marines on the Sanc when they picked us up. Though at the time i figured my criminal record would do me more harm than good, so I laid low. Didn’t take long to wind up in the marines though.

As for my time since I’ve joined the UNSC, its been…well…interesting. For what ever reason I got the job of becoming secretary, bodyguard, wet nurse, test subject, and guardian angel to Doctor Vincent Smithfield. At least I can say I’m never bored. I’d say that If i were to describe the doctor in one word it would be Cocksure inquisitive clinical lunatic. Ok four words. When he’s not randomly jabbing me with needles and asking me how I feel, he’s charging head long into a possessed Wolfen with a chainsword. I honestly can’t tell if the man is fearless or his curiosity is so great that braving a hail of gunfire is simply the appropriate response to every situation. Though I suppose being his “bodyguard” has its own set of benefits. Like I said life is far from boring. I’ve been on more off ship missions, killed more alien bastards, been privy to more Classified intel than most of the new guys have logged in training hours. You’d think after all this I’d get some kind of promotion. Keep me in mind at the next performance review session Captain Val.

Oh and don’t hold that whole thing with the plasma charges and the waste reclamater against me. I know you have a strong affinity for the place, but it was either the shitter or the warp-core.

Prv. Luke Tarkus signing off

(off camera) Its not a gay closer! I saw it on some old sci-fi show in the 1900’s!

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Admirals Log Day 575


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So my Xo runs off with MY destroyer and tries to alter the entire fucking culture of a civilization. not that im upset with his attempt or intention, but shes a DESTROYER! Despite his combat capability there was now way he was not going to cause a riot at the least. Worse there would be an attempt to blow up his ship. He got a butt load of fighter fuel off the deal and I had to use some strong arm tatics to get the loaction of the games and it turns out my gut was right to go save his ass. I have to talk to logan about scraping my hull.

I managed to save my crew and only took some damage mostly consmetic. Now we have two problems. The intelligence that Jeb gathered was good and all and caused us to have to split our forces if we want to engage on both fronts. There is some kind of asteriod coming to hit the wolfen homeworld and another attempt to turn the ocean of the Squids into a pool of acid. The Sanctuary is going to head back to the wolfen homeworld where we are going to attempt to destroy the asteroid or at least deflect it.

Jeb is taking the Bitch and Semper Fi and heading to the location where the weapon is being built. At least this time its a seek and destroy mission so if he blows everything up well thats what he was supposed to do. Im hoping that he and Captain Valintine do the right things and not get one of my ships blown up. They just jumped out of system now and I play God is with them.

“Admiral?”
Let me guess Conway message from Jeb he has decided to teach the crystal aliens to bake cookies or teach the greys to play in a mariachi band.
“Uh no sir.”
What is it conway?
“The Dragon just jumped in and they are hailing.”
What now?
They say they have intelligence on Private Scarlett Johanson.
Bring them along side now. Computer end log

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Fleet News Network 2nd Issue


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Welcome to the new fleet news network all the news about the fleet you need to know.

The outcome of the battle between the Uss Semper Fidelis and the USS Female of the Species ended the way it was expected with LCDR Jebediah Edmunton Bartholomew Stuart IV winning the battle. While the younger Captain put up a valliant fight he was no match for the brilliant stratagies and tatics of the veteran XO. The fleet watched with bated breath with every hit and attack run. We take comfort in the fact that two great warriors are here to cover the fleet.

The new colony ship has opened and 20,000 children grace its halls with laughter every day. The ship has pediatric facilites for over 4,000 children at once and the rooms for those babies to grow and learn. The Squids also outfitted the ship with shields and enough point defense lasers to stop most threats. Last is can be used as a focal point for the fleet to use the linked jumps demonstrated buy the other human fleet. All Captains should learn the procedures for linked jumping in case a long range jump is needed.

The Admiral has decided that once the current scouting operations are over he is leading an expition into the Metrion Expanse. His plan is to find more supplies in the expanse. Due to the high radiation in the area only the USS Sanctuary will be exploring for the supplies while the rest of the fleet is on the move with the other military ships at their command. We will have a pair of reporters on board the ship to have first hand accounts of the mission into the expanse. Stay tuned for more information.

In the next issue we have an interview from a senior officer on the military structure. you can vote here on who you want to hear from.

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Admirals Log Day 562


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The battle ended the way i expected it to. Jeb pulled one out of his ass just as Valintine was getting his shit together. I suspect Valintine learned enough that a rematch would be short lived. The Fleet News network is up and running and now the fleets busniess is everyones busniess. While this is irritating its more good than harm. Burine is now a Captain and disconnected from the hive. The cybernaught agent taht came aboard was very powerful. According to Burnie we have the firepower to destry his ship but not before he ripped the flight deck off. Im glad no one did anything dumbass like shoot him. I like my flight deck intact.

While Jeb is off galavanting around saving the universe im back here fucking with the fleet. Supplies are not doing top bad but in all reality we need to get the civilians to a save place. Once secured we can renforce the planet and then get to work blowing the shit out of these ass holes. As much as I want to fight and kill the enemy I dont think we can dragging the fleet behind us.

I have a plan. There is an area of space about 1500 AU square that has some kind of radiometric barrier around it. My engineers tell me that the Sanctuary’s Shields can take the beating assuming that the entire area is full of the radiation. I have a hunch that is not and this barrier is some leftover stellar something or other. I figure we can get in and find something inside a planet or something and then bring the fleet there once we have those jump scramblers. I figure i can negoiate for them. I have some commidites already and I have been talking to the ambassidor about it anyway.

Conway says, and I agree, that jumping inside the area is well stupid. We have no idea whats in there and frankly I dont want every negative space in my body filling with radioactive isotopes. The plan is to jump the fleet close then procecde in on sublight though the radioactive cloud. Im not sure how long it will take but we have to try.

“Admiral the USS Semper Fidelis has returned and there is a message from Jeb.”
Whats the short version?
“He is heading to the Wolfen homeworld to help with a skinless infiltration.”
No really.
“Im not joking sir.
You have got to be fucking with me. Jeb of you might not read this i might just kill you first.

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